The idea of “one true love” is a load of hooey IMHO. We haven’t set the bar too high, we haven’t been deceived and the point of marriage isn’t to make us happy. One true love gives us an excuse to quit when it gets hard, but the Bible doesn’t.
When Cole Porter wrote about true love, when Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly immortalized true love in High Society, they sold us a bill of tainted goods. When we seek out our Prince Charming (or Prince Philip if you’re a Sleeping Beauty fan – let’s face it, he’s the best prince) and expect the magical power of true love to ‘fix’ things, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Love At First Sight
I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do not have a one true love. I think that if God had set aside only one person for me, He’d have given instructions on how to find that person. The harsh reality is that we marry a human being who can’t read your mind, doesn’t do everything the way you would, doesn’t agree with everything you say/do, has bad habits and irritating quirks, and sometimes just outright screws up and makes big mistakes that hurt. That doesn’t mean they aren’t your ‘one true love.’
Love is a Choice
To assume you have one true love means there’s this ultimate ‘right guy/girl’ for you. Many Christians like to put a Christian spin on it – God has set aside one special person for me. We pray, “God, Just tell me who I’m supposed to marry.”
The Bible doesn’t talk about this at all. Naomi chose Boaz for Ruth because he was available and became willing. As romantic as some would like to make the story, the Book of Esther doesn’t once record King Xerxe making a declaration of love for Esther. I’m just going to leave this name here: Hosea
Putting a biblical spin on ‘one true love’ is just lipstick on a pig. Too many arranged marriages work out. Too many widows and widowers find love with another person for there to be such a thing as one true love.
Infatuation Is Not Love
We get caught up in the emotional high of it all when we first meet someone, when the relationship blooms, when we decide whether this is the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. That high is addictive but deceiving because at most, Gary Thomas writes it lasts 18 months.
When the socks hit the floor and the budget gets blown on a dress, love is a choice. The only one responsible for my happiness is me. I put that on the hubs and I’m just setting him up to fail. God’s purpose with marriage is to make us holy, not necessarily happy.
Love Takes Work
You can’t fall in or out of love – you choose to surrender or harden your heart to another person. That’s a choice. Love is a choice, just like forgiveness, trust, respect, jealousy, envy, and friendship. Sometimes it’s not fair, sometimes it just plain sucks — but you keep at it because you promised God that no matter what you wouldn’t leave.
Marriage is hard.
If you’re struggling in your relationship, assuming all things are equal and no one’s being abused or mistreated, etc. — stick it out. This is not a one and done scenario. You’re never “done” building your marriage. There isn’t a point where you can quit working to make your relationship better. Wake up every day with the resolve to surrender your heart to your spouse, and take nothing for granted. You’ll be glad you did.
What about you? Do you believe in true love or that you have a one true love?